From the Chrysalis

_{Finding Myself}

_{Fibromyalgia you hold me in your embrace.}

_{If I fight with you, if I don’t like you}

_{I am rejecting my very self.}

_{I will learn to love and accept you}

_{and I will expand it to myself}

_{so well that I don’t need your help anymore.}

_{That is the way to go. And have I not tried?}

_{‘I am ready, I am ready’, please hear my cry.}

_{I AM ready to walk free; pain free.}

_{Your love is suffocating me.}

_{I feel like you might extinguish me.}

_{The pain I feel is crippling me.}

_{Is it limiting me?}

_{Or do you push me on and on to look deeper into me.}

_{I am trying to love you because what else can I do?}

_{They say God works in mysterious ways.}

_{There is no pill to take, no remedy, no cure.}

_{With fibro there is no get out clause,}

_{no opt out, not trap door.}

_{I must look you face on,}

_{cannot evade what I must see….}

_{I have to keep on looking into the depth of me.}

_{No longer on the run…}

_{that used up my reserves,}

_{took me right up to collapse,}

_{ignored all signs that I needed to replenish}

_{from the inside out.}

_{And how would I have known}

_{if you had not slowed me down,}

_{shown me how to walk and then to crawl}

_{and at times how not to move at all.}

_{Stamina had been the game and the aim;}

_{an endurance test I set myself}

_{to punish me for all I’d failed to be.}

_{I was living beyond my capacity}

_{Stretched to the limit of my elasticity}

_{Fibro you saved me from the snap that was sure to come,}

_{allowed me to release,}

_{slowed me down, let me down…}

_{You saved my life}

_{and yet I treat you like you took it from me.}

_{Let me remember gratitude}

_{in every slowed down step}

_{as the beauty along the wayside soaks into me,}

_{nourishes me, expands my heart,}

_{reaches me, joins with me,}

_{until I tire once again,}

_{retreat to home,}

_{rest my body ache,}

_{let the dull pain hurt from neck to toe.}

_{‘Oh fibro, I am ready, I am ready now.}

_{Please let me go.’}

_{I trust that this is true}

_{as I am guided step by step}

_{to peel away the layers}

_{and move closer to the core of me}

_{now to emerge delicately}

_{as the newly born pain free me.}

_{FM you have tuned me in and tuned me out}

_{with static in between;}

_{Canary in the mine}

_{of the molecules of chemicals.}

_{You know what’s in the air}

_{and keep me from harm.}

_{Hear me out or shoot me down.}

_{And light too bright for sensitive eyes}

_{but how I love the radiant sunshine,}

_{the dappled dancing on the sea,}

_{the warmth of heated sand beneath my feet}

_{and then again retreat…}

_{to the lengthening shadows and the shade}

_{of the ancient spreading oak}

_{to look in wonder at the warm glow}

_{of the changing light.}

_{And sound with the volume turned down.}

_{My friend told me 432 is the wave length of nature (and God)}

_{and that’s just fine for me.}

_{The sweet bird song,}

_{the rustling leaves in the breeze,}

_{the chants and melodies that sooth my soul.}

_{Fade out the discordant clatter and bang,}

_{the strimmer and the driller}

_{that crowd my brain}

_{agitate and resonate with pain.}

_{Fibro you lead me back to my very self,}

_{show me equilibrium}

_{and when the scales are balanced}

_{and I know how to keep them there}

_{slowly you take away your counter weight,}

_{release me gently from your embrace,}

_{let me walk free,}

_{with your blessing.}

_{Free to be me.}

_{I AM free.}

Painted in oils in free expression in 2014. Its first title was ‘Over the moon’ as I saw my freedom in it and celebrated that. My guardian angel and a guide are so close by to me that we almost merge. I was encouraged to keep some pink angel’s wings of my own!!

‘From the Chrysalis’ was also painted in 2014 the same year that I wrote this poem. More than 4 years later they have come together.